Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Advice for future generations.

When finding oneself in a position in which one is to seal a mailing enclosure via the application of moisture to a dried adhesive strip, it is advisable to proceed gently, and be wary that on occasion the edges of the surface to which the adhesive is applied may be capable of causing harm if contacted at a certain combination of angle and velocity.

Unless one likes the taste of blood.

Monday, April 20, 2009


No, not some politically correct version of the movie (or the book).

In fact, this is a twist on the classic pass-time of people watching!

So.. last evening I decided that what was really necessary, on a fundamental level, was for me to consume a burrito. Lacking certain essential burrito-y ingredients, I ventured off the premises to a local burrito retailer. I brought a book, which as it turns out is a bad idea when one is eating a large, messy burrito, so instead of reading while eating, I sat at a table facing out the glass storefront, and watched people walk by.

Now, on the evening in question, a group of about half a dozen people did venture by, and as they did, one of the women in the group glances over at me, just as I'm taking a bite of burrito, and out of the corner of my eye, I could swear she elbowed the guy next to her. They disappear beyond the pillar which is blocking my view to the left. I continue to consume tasty burrito. With bell peppers. Mmmm. Burrito.

Moments later, the entire group of them comes back into view, pointing at me through the glass. I wave. They wave. Some of them laugh. One of them points at the burrito and mimes taking a bite. I think "oh wow, what if they're all homeless and hungry and they want this burrito? I'd have to either fight them off, or buy ANOTHER burrito afterwards!"

After a few more moments, they disappear to my left again. I will note at this point that 'to my left' is the direction of the store entrance. It again crosses my mind that I should be wary, as there may at any moment be a swarm of people walking up behind me to spirit away the burrito shaped goodness that is making its way from my hands to my stomach. My hand twitches slightly towards my holster, but I remain calm. Cool. In control.

They never re-appeared.

And so, the night ended with not a second burrito, but with questions. Was every bite of burrito I took resulting in beans spilling and staining my shirt, and they were trying to warn me? Did they just want the burrito out of the way of my face, so they could gawk at the sideburns? (stranger things have happened!). Or were they just reverse-people-watching me?

The above post has scored a BDR (Burrito Density Rating) of 3.23% (13 out of 403 words) on the International Burrito Blogging Meter.