Thursday, January 5, 2012


Hey, it hasn't even been two years since my last post, and the silence is broken. It is, as of this writing, not the only thing that is broken. As usual it will fall to Randall Munroe of "xkcd" to properly illustrate the point [how does he keep illustrating my life in advance? Temporal bugs, I assume. I mean, this comic is YEARS old].

dPain over dt

you laugh to keep from crying, you do math to keep from crying...

It may interest the audience to know that I've decided not to do anything too stupid within 3 weeks of yesterday, or while intoxicated. Both of which rule out "right now".

I am wondering what exactly is the purpose of life, though. Right now I'm not seeing it, though I seem to remember points in the past where I did see it, and now I just don't know what it was that I saw. Therefore I have to assume that at some points in the future I will again see it, so I'll hold out for those moments. Isn't logic a lifesaver?*

How poorly have I been living my life to end up at a point after 32.n years where I don't even have anyone who can provide a shoulder to cry on? (within range, anyway. Yes, I have family that would gladly fill this role. You're all more than 700 miles away, and I loathe telephones. Thanks for the thought, though.). Hmm, that was probably presumptuous to use "you" as a form of address there... after a 2 year break, it is certainly possible that nobody is checking this for updates anymore... :รพ meh, whatever. I don't really care, because I think I needed to write this more than anyone needed to read it.

Maybe everybody goes through this at some point. I don't know, I started late with this whole "relationships" thing. It took me a while, and a few relationships of various lengths, but finally I'd found one where I had actually started believing that we could spend our lives together, and now that is gone. Are there valid reasons for it to end? Yes. Was the ending of it the right thing to do for both of us? Yes. Probably. I don't know. Does that make it any easier? No.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. Maybe it was too fresh, being "day-of" and all. Today had intermittent showers. Tonight is a thunderstorm. I don't even want to think about tomorrow.

*pro tip: do NOT poke holes in this logic. <Hulk>You wouldn't like me when I'm logic-hole-poked.</Hulk>


Logan said...

Also: Yes I know we only dated for 3 months. Add that to the list of things that still don't make it any easier.

Anonymous said...

Well....yes, I DO still check your blog...although not as often as I used to. However, checking it within a few days of you posting was neat. I'm just sorry that you are going through this pain right now. And you ARE right, it won't feel the same in a while. ....but I wish I was closer 'cause you could use BOTH shoulders if you need 'em!
Love you tons!